Preparing for the Funeral
Cremation / Burial
Grief Resources - Dr. Alan Wolfelt
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Journalist Peggy Norman said, 'I love eulogies. They are the most moving kind of speech because they attempt to pluck meaning from the fog, and on short order, when the emotions are still ragged and raw susceptible to leaps".
While writing and delivering a eulogy is a noble gesture, that is worthy of thought and effort, it can be a challenge to write - and if you're uncomfortable in front of a crowd, it can be equally as challenging to deliver.
However, it is an opportunity to make a contribution to a memorial service, a contribution that your friends will remember for a long time. For that reason, if you're asked to write one, we suggest you consider doing so, if only for yourself.
That's because writing a eulogy is a therapeutic tool to help you deal with grief. The power of writing is undeniable and there is no better time than now for you to discover and take advantage of this.
People often think one of two things about a eulogy:
Both of these assumptions are just plain unrealistic, don't you think? How can you possibly be objective after losing a loved one; or sum up a person's life in just a few minutes of time?
Lets think of the eulogy as being much simpler. It should covey the feelings and experiences of the person giving the eulogy. The most touching and meaningful eulogies are written from a subjective point of view and from the heart. So don't feel compelled to write your loved one's life story. Instead, tell your story.
Clearly, the burden of the eulogy does not have to be yours completely. If you have the time, ask friends or relatives for their recollections and stories.
Honesty is very important. In most cases, there will be a lot of positive qualities to talk about. Once in a while however, there is someone with more negative traits than positive qualities. If that is the case, remember, you don't have to say everything if it would make you, or guests uncomfortable. Just be honest as you can, and do your best to show the full humanity - both the good, and the not so good, characteristics of the deceased. After all, everyone there knew them, and is there because they want to acknowledge their relationship to the deceased. In other words, you have a "warm" audience, who will welcome your words.
Remember, you do not have to write a perfect eulogy. Whatever you write and deliver will be appreciated by the people at the funeral. If you are inclined to be a perfectionist, lower your expectations and just do what you can, considering the short time frame for preparation and your emotional state.
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